Funny Dictionary of Computer Terms

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ANTIC:

What the Bugs in your program are up to.

BACKUP:

Opposite of forward.

BASIC:

A computer language used for generating errors.

BBS:

Not a 'Class A' B.S.

BCD:

Three of the first four letters in the alphabet.

BOARD:

State of mind of the programmers spouse.

BOOLEAN LOGIC:

Your spouse's term for your reasoning.

BRANCH:

Stick used for beating CPU's. If the stick is watered it might turn into a computer club.

BUBBLE MEMORY:

Your spouse's nickname for you.

BUBBLE SORT:

Your spouse's term for your friends.

BUG:

Intercom system used in the Watergate complex.

BUS:

Mode of transportation for programmers.

BYTE:

A large NIBBLE.

C:

The language of washed-up programmers.

CHIP:

1. One California Highway Patrolman 2. Used in computers, they come in four flavors: silicon, potato, chocolate and buffalo.

CLOAD:

Command to lock up keyboard.

COMPUTER MAGAZINE:

A place where your computer stores ammunition.

CONCATENATION:

A convention of all the nation's kitty cats.

CPU:

CP-30's mother.

CRASH:

Normal termination of a program.

CRT:

(see RT).

CSAVE:

A command to write blank tapes.

DEBUG:

Raid sprayed on the keyboard.

DEDICATED:

A programmer trying to decode a string packed program.

DIGITAL:

Something done with fingers, as in checking computer mathematics.

DIP:

Inventor of a famous switch.

DISK DRIVE:

A motor for a Frisbee.

DISK PACK:

Six cans of fluid, used by disk drive technicians to improve their thinking.

DMA:

Abbreviation for "Direct Memory Access"; "brain surgery".

DOWNTIME:

Slang for when a programmer is being realistic.

DUMP:

Spouse's term for area around the computer.

EBCDIC:

Security code for IBM computers. Means "Erase Backup, Chew Disk, Ignite Cards". For a variety of obvious reasons, only IBM computers use EBCDIC code.

EDITOR:

A program which deletes obscene commands.

ENDLESS LOOP:

(see LOOP, ENDLESS).

EPROM:

Acronym for "Exit Program, Read Owners manual".

ERROR:

A programmer's decision to skip making a flowchart and to exclude comments from his program.

ERROR TRAP:

A black hole placed in a computer to capture bugs.

EXECUTION:

What your computer did to your program, also known as murder.

EXPANSION:

Computer slang for "vital parts missing". A computer with "expansion capability" is capable of working only when the extra parts are purchased.

FIFO:

Good name for a French Poodle.

FIG-FOURTH:

A quartered Fig.

FILE:

Found in cakes, it is used to end lockups.

FIRMWARE:

Hardware that is beginning to melt.

FLIP FLOP CIRCUT:

Device used by politicians to determine policy.

FLOPPY DISK:

Back pain that you claim is from an old war injury.

FLOWCHART:

Current map of the Gulf of Mexico.

FLYING HEAD:

Airline toilet.

FORTH:

One of the top three computer languages.

GENERAL PURPOSE COMPUTER:

A computer not terribly good at anything in particular.

GIGO:

"Garbage In-Garbage Out". Normal result of most computer programming.

GLITCH:

A bug with ambitions.

HANDSHAKING:

Symptom of too much programming. Most commonly seen among programmers who have just had their program erased by power fluctuations before they could save their program.

HARD COPY:

Cheating during a well monitored test.

HEXADECIMAL:

Unlucky numbers used by computers.

HIGH RESOLUTION:

A law passed in Denver.

HOME COMPUTER:

Real estate agent's loan calculator.

IBM:

Incredibly Big Machine.

INTERFACE:

The look on the face of the computer salesperson as you walk away with a machine you'll never know how to use.

ITERATE:

A health illiterate.

KEYBOARD:

The most important part of a computer. Resembling a typewriter, the keyboard is used for entering errors into a computer.

KEYPUNCH:

The one who won the fight.

KEYWORDS:

All the words left out of your computer.

LANGUAGE:

A system of organized and defining syntax errors.

LIFO:

What a programmer loses when he blows his STACK.

LOOKUP TABLE:

Crib sheet for computers.

LOOP, ENDLESS:

(see ENDLESS LOOP).

MAINFRAME:

What the salesman said you were getting when you bought your micro (see SIMULATOR).

MATH CHIP:

Piece of broken abacus.

MINICOMPUTER:

Wife of Ottocomputer.

MODEM:

The new version of 'Model'.

MUX:

Short for multiplexer, a device which plexes multis. A device which plexes cats is a perplexer.

NIBBLE:

A small BYTE.

NORMALIZE:

What a spouse claims to be trying to do by cutting the power to the computer.

PASSWORD:

The nonsense word taped to your CRT.

PERIPHERAL:

Your spouse after you bought your computer.

PINFEED:

The diet your spouse threatens you with every time you mention a new program or computer you want.

POINTER:

An informer.

POKEY:

A finger afliction of people that 'Hunt and Peck'.

PORT:

The left side of the computer.

PRIME NUMBER:

Tender, juicy numbers used in only expensive computers.

PROGRAMMER:

A person who thinks he knows how to talk to a computer. A person who really knows how to talk to a computer is known as a fruitcake.

PROTECTED DATA:

(definition withheld).

REAL NUMBERS:

What you wish your computer would use instead of all this phony binary/hex stuff.

RECURSION:

(see RECURSION).

REDUNDANCY:

KKeebboouunnccee..

REGISTER:

Never found in a Radio Shack store.

RESET:

Another way to end a four hour sort.

RIBBON:

What your spouse gives you every time your friends ask about your computer.

RND:

Short for "Random Number Generator", a computer command used for calculating checkbook balances, income tax, rent, phone bills....

ROM:

Built on seven hills and all roads lead to it.

RS232:

R2-D2's father.

RT:

Remote Terminal: What the programmer considers his spouse.

SERIAL:

Wheaties, Cheerio's etc.

SIMULATOR:

What you actually purchased when you bought your computer (see MAINFRAME).

STACK:

The area of a computers memory used to collect garbage bytes.

STAND ALONE:

What happens to a programmer when he starts talking about computers at a party.

STATE OF THE ART:

Undefined.

SUBROUTINE:

Close hatches before diving.

SUBSCRIPT:

Generally inferior to SUPERSCRIPT.

SUPERSCRIPT:

Generally superior to SUBSCRIPT.

TERMINAL:

Mental state of programmers.

USER:

Someone requiring during rehabilitation.

VOLATILE STORAGE:

A disk drive filled with nitroglycerine.

WORK STATION:

The last place you'd find a programmer.

WRITE:

Opposite of wrong.

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