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Funny Dictionary of Computer Terms


ANTIC:
What the Bugs in your program are up to.

BACKUP:
Opposite of forward.

BASIC:
A computer language used for generating errors.

BBS:
Not a 'Class A' B.S.

BCD:
Three of the first four letters in the alphabet.

BOARD:
State of mind of the programmers spouse.

BOOLEAN LOGIC:
Your spouse's term for your reasoning.

BRANCH:
Stick used for beating CPU's. If the stick is watered it might turn into a computer club.

BUBBLE MEMORY:
Your spouse's nickname for you.

BUBBLE SORT:
Your spouse's term for your friends.

BUG:
Intercom system used in the Watergate complex.

BUS:
Mode of transportation for programmers.

BYTE:
A large NIBBLE.

C:
The language of washed-up programmers.

CHIP:
1. One California Highway Patrolman 2. Used in computers, they come in four flavors: silicon, potato, chocolate and buffalo.

CLOAD:
Command to lock up keyboard.

COMPUTER MAGAZINE:
A place where your computer stores ammunition.

CONCATENATION:
A convention of all the nation's kitty cats.

CPU:
CP-30's mother.

CRASH:
Normal termination of a program.

CRT:
(see RT).

CSAVE:
A command to write blank tapes.

DEBUG:
Raid sprayed on the keyboard.

DEDICATED:
A programmer trying to decode a string packed program.

DIGITAL:
Something done with fingers, as in checking computer mathematics.

DIP:
Inventor of a famous switch.

DISK DRIVE:
A motor for a Frisbee.

DISK PACK:
Six cans of fluid, used by disk drive technicians to improve their thinking.

DMA:
Abbreviation for "Direct Memory Access"; "brain surgery".

DOWNTIME:
Slang for when a programmer is being realistic.

DUMP:
Spouse's term for area around the computer.

EBCDIC:
Security code for IBM computers. Means "Erase Backup, Chew Disk, Ignite Cards". For a variety of obvious reasons, only IBM computers use EBCDIC code.

EDITOR:
A program which deletes obscene commands.

ENDLESS LOOP:
(see LOOP, ENDLESS).

EPROM:
Acronym for "Exit Program, Read Owners manual".



ERROR:
A programmer's decision to skip making a flowchart and to exclude comments from his program.

ERROR TRAP:
A black hole placed in a computer to capture bugs.

EXECUTION:
What your computer did to your program, also known as murder.

EXPANSION:
Computer slang for "vital parts missing". A computer with "expansion capability" is capable of working only when the extra parts are purchased.

FIFO:
Good name for a French Poodle.

FIG-FOURTH:
A quartered Fig.

FILE:
Found in cakes, it is used to end lockups.

FIRMWARE:
Hardware that is beginning to melt.

FLIP FLOP CIRCUT:
Device used by politicians to determine policy.

FLOPPY DISK:
Back pain that you claim is from an old war injury.

FLOWCHART:
Current map of the Gulf of Mexico.

FLYING HEAD:
Airline toilet.

FORTH:
One of the top three computer languages.

GENERAL PURPOSE COMPUTER:
A computer not terribly good at anything in particular.

GIGO:
"Garbage In-Garbage Out". Normal result of most computer programming.

GLITCH:
A bug with ambitions.

HANDSHAKING:
Symptom of too much programming. Most commonly seen among programmers who have just had their program erased by power fluctuations before they could save their program.

HARD COPY:
Cheating during a well monitored test.

HEXADECIMAL:
Unlucky numbers used by computers.

HIGH RESOLUTION:
A law passed in Denver.

HOME COMPUTER:
Real estate agent's loan calculator.

IBM:
Incredibly Big Machine.

INTERFACE:
The look on the face of the computer salesperson as you walk away with a machine you'll never know how to use.

ITERATE:
A health illiterate.

KEYBOARD:
The most important part of a computer. Resembling a typewriter, the keyboard is used for entering errors into a computer.

KEYPUNCH:
The one who won the fight.

KEYWORDS:
All the words left out of your computer.

LANGUAGE:
A system of organized and defining syntax errors.

LIFO:
What a programmer loses when he blows his STACK.

LOOKUP TABLE:
Crib sheet for computers.

LOOP, ENDLESS:
(see ENDLESS LOOP).

MAINFRAME:
What the salesman said you were getting when you bought your micro (see SIMULATOR).

MATH CHIP:
Piece of broken abacus.

MINICOMPUTER:
Wife of Ottocomputer.

MODEM:
The new version of 'Model'.

MUX:
Short for multiplexer, a device which plexes multis. A device which plexes cats is a perplexer.

NIBBLE:
A small BYTE.

NORMALIZE:
What a spouse claims to be trying to do by cutting the power to the computer.

PASSWORD:
The nonsense word taped to your CRT.

PERIPHERAL:
Your spouse after you bought your computer.

PINFEED:
The diet your spouse threatens you with every time you mention a new program or computer you want.

POINTER:
An informer.

POKEY:
A finger afliction of people that 'Hunt and Peck'.

PORT:
The left side of the computer.

PRIME NUMBER:
Tender, juicy numbers used in only expensive computers.

PROGRAMMER:
A person who thinks he knows how to talk to a computer. A person who really knows how to talk to a computer is known as a fruitcake.

PROTECTED DATA:
(definition withheld).

REAL NUMBERS:
What you wish your computer would use instead of all this phony binary/hex stuff.

RECURSION:
(see RECURSION).

REDUNDANCY:
KKeebboouunnccee..

REGISTER:
Never found in a Radio Shack store.

RESET:
Another way to end a four hour sort.

RIBBON:
What your spouse gives you every time your friends ask about your computer.

RND:
Short for "Random Number Generator", a computer command used for calculating checkbook balances, income tax, rent, phone bills....

ROM:
Built on seven hills and all roads lead to it.

RS232:
R2-D2's father.

RT:
Remote Terminal: What the programmer considers his spouse.

SERIAL:
Wheaties, Cheerio's etc.



SIMULATOR:
What you actually purchased when you bought your computer (see MAINFRAME).

STACK:
The area of a computers memory used to collect garbage bytes.

STAND ALONE:
What happens to a programmer when he starts talking about computers at a party.

STATE OF THE ART:
Undefined.

SUBROUTINE:
Close hatches before diving.

SUBSCRIPT:
Generally inferior to SUPERSCRIPT.

SUPERSCRIPT:
Generally superior to SUBSCRIPT.

TERMINAL:
Mental state of programmers.

USER:
Someone requiring during rehabilitation.

VOLATILE STORAGE:
A disk drive filled with nitroglycerine.

WORK STATION:
The last place you'd find a programmer.

WRITE:
Opposite of wrong.



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